Genuine

In the year 200 BC there was an honor code in which to practice yoga. To compare, I would think it to be like The 10 Commandments. They were called Yamas (moral restraints) and Niyamas (moral observances). The hope is that when one practices yoga today, we try to do the same; Become a better person, to overcome selfish ways. A recent quote I found as of late, "Yoga is the martial art of the soul, and the opponent is the hardest one youʻve ever faced: your ego."

Iʻm sure with the crazy schedule of having twins, one would suspect there wouldnʻt be much time to do much else except babies. In most cases, this is true. Iʻm pretty-well glued to my house. However, my mind is not stationary, and many of the times it is trying to work over my own insecurities and impatience (since with two babies crying at the same time, you find pretty frequently).

I would like to talk about one of these Yamas since it has been on my mind and since Chancey and Vanessa are taking longer naps, I get to practice yoga daily. A HUGE relief as well a responsibility. "Satya - truthfulness, non-lying to self and others." A quote from my yoga certification information binder. What does this "moral restraint" actually mean when speaking to others or trying to understand oneself?

When I was going through my yoga certification I would call these times ceilings. I couldnʻt quite get past a certain problem, and wouldnʻt you know, by the end of the weekend of practicing, the ceiling would open and I could adjust my attitude or change my perspective; I would understand where I was wrong. Or in other words, overcome my ego.

Maybe this is the start of the light or enlightenment with satya. You have to know you are wrong, or in other words, humble yourself to the answer. One of my favorite books the author mentions, are you trying to find the right answer, or are you trying to be right? When desperation overtakes, you donʻt care any longer if you are right, you just want to know whatʻs right. Is desperation, honesty? Or do you crave it? Do you seek honesty? Non-lying?

A friend of mine, after a very hard separation and divorce, is now starting to date. Whatʻs her #1 criteria? "I just donʻt want him to lie to me." That is a fantastic hope! If the saying is true though, "you are who you attract,"she has to be living an honest lifestyle herself. Is she going against her own principle? When speaking to these men, are her words direct and does she say what she really means?

I find myself sometimes skirting around issues when addressing my husband. "Wow, Iʻm getting cold." What I really mean to say is, "Matt, Iʻm cold, will you turn the air conditioner up please?" Being direct in what you want doesnʻt necessarily mean you are heartless to the other person in which you are speaking. It means, you are being honest with yourself, and in turn, they can trust that you will continue to be that way. This is another way satya portrays itself. On the opposing side, when you are rude to someone and speak illy of them, you are actually being dishonest as well. You are not a heartless person, so you are going against who you really mean to be: a kind and forgiving individual. (Unless you are a heartless guttersnipe, and in that case, please keep your distance.)

Another example: Saying no when you really want to say no. This one is a hard one for many people, I venture to say more times with women then men. We have a hard time knowing our limits and being true to our boundaries. My neighbor is a good example of this very issue. She and her husband have been so kind as to watch our children from time to time. I can appreciate her telling me upfront when she cannot and when her schedule permits her to help. There are times when I have called and she has told me no, and then responds quickly, "But think of me again in the future!" I respect that she lives a purposeful life filled with things to do. She is also serviceable but will not be taken advantage of when asked. Itʻs time to turn our thoughts from "I donʻt want to hurt them" to "I want to be truthful to myself and to others. They will respect me in the future, and I will honor their friendship more."

A lot has happened in 2 years.

Last night I was thinking, I need to start this blog up again. Now that Vanessa and Chancey are taking a longer nap during the day, itʻs time. The words will come, but for now, Iʻll begin with pictures.

Itʻs fun to see their personalities come out these days, but then when the whining commences, thatʻs when itʻs not as fun... I still canʻt believe Iʻm a mother and a mother with two babies! So bizarre! 

My wedding

Some folks wanted to see some pictures from my wedding! WOOPS! Hadnʻt posted those yet! Here they are!

Here are the ones from Ohio:

Here are some from Utah:

And of course, some from our Honeymoon on the Big Island and Oahu:

Dreaming awareness

Driving and couldn't control my car

i slid into a place that i was fearful of - the thought of "i have nothing... my car is totaled. I have nothing."

i sat there in this embankment realizing that i hadn't taken off the brake.

foolish and destroyed, defeated and whithered.

i was aware of my stomach. all the numb pain was there.

snow fell around the car and i did nothing.

as i sat there completely useless, just then 4 men hurry into the 2 seats next to me in the back seats where i sat there motionless in the middle.

the other 2 men got in the front seat and passenger's seat. they were yelling to each other to hurry and leave before anyone saw and to help get me out of the mess.

i felt safe. numb and absolutely helpless but safe with these men.

Has it really been that long?

Really? 2012?
That was a long time ago, and itʻs nearing 2014... Well, itʻs time then.

An overview:

Matt and I moved to Pittsburgh where the land is filled with bridges and yellow. Yes, home of the Steelers, Pirates and Penguins, thereʻs a lot of yellow and black swimming around.

It has itʻs perks. The food,

green trees

and roller coasters... oh wait, those are roads. Yes, the ridiculous roads, windy and slanted, they give me anxiety thinking I could be driving on them come winter-time.
Thank you Justin and Carrie for your photo to demonstrate.

Matt came first to our townhome in March as I followed in April. 

I and transferred here to the Banana Republic, a YMCA teaching yoga, kids yoga and Pilates, and currently, have one piano student. Matt has enjoyed his job at Clean-up Fire and Water (minus the fact that he has to shave, yes, I am equally disappointed since now it looks like I am married to a 19-yr old). 

June 6th, our lives changed though. "The test came back positive" sang the nurse to me. It was true, I was pregnant. Iʻve never done this before. This is a new one to hear directed to me. It wasnʻt until the 22nd we actually found out there was TWO swimming around in there. There they were with the ultrasound and all in their own little apartments, Matt and my fraternal twins. Surprised, we were. Excited? Um... Iʻm getting there. Itʻs a little nerve-racking holding 2 living souls inside of you for the first time. Iʻll get there though. 

Due: February 14, 2014.

Halloween

WEEEW! Itʻs been a while, hasnʻt it? Well, Matt and I are going to be staying here in Ohio looks like... for the time being. Who knows the time-frame, but here weʻll be.

I had a lot of fun with decorating this Halloween. I decorated my parentʻs house and my own apartment. I wanted to post what I did because I liked it so much. :)

My wedding website!

The Knot