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Tuesday, July 6, 2010


I suppose it's going to be quite bi-polar enough to read what I just wrote last week and then contrast to what I'm going to write today.

I tend to do the same thing at work everyday. I begin my day by opening internet pages of the news and email. I click through, look at, and read some of what I see. Today, a certain story caught me off-guard: A cancer survivor who looses his face in order to stay alive.

That's going to keep you interested.

A year after he was married he found out he had a tumor in his face and in order to get rid of it, he had to have surgery to take most of his face off. The other option was to let the cancer continue it's course and claim his life. He chose the surgery. Years went by with this dark hole for a face until word got to a certain man who heard about the cancer victim. He offered to construct a prosthetic nose and forehead for him so it wouldn't be so difficult for others as well as himself to face public eye. That in itself was quite the story to be as kind and giving of the artist.

However, it wasn't so much the man who constructed the new face that pulled the emotion out of me. It was the victim's wife.

Through the whole interview and story, she remained positive and loving. You could sense that she loved him more than her eyes needed to see to keep her close to his side. It was everything deeper. I looked up to this woman and didn't even know her. What love did she have? I wanted what she had: the deepest as she saw her and her husband's relationship. That's how I ideally want to be in love with a future "mine" but could I?

I caught myself asking if I would be that steadfast. I hoped I would be. Would I find solutions? Would I be the strong one to lift my husband if that happened to him? Could I be the one to support him? Could I be the happy and upbeat one?

Do I find myself looking too hard on the outward to notice how the inward ultimately defines men more of who they truly are? Deceiving me both extremes, I probably do just because I have eyes to see; Placing judgements blindly before I know who they honestly are. How do I do this over and over again? Why don't I catch myself?

Oh- how my sight gets in the way at times... oh, how I take my true eyes for granted.

God, please help me see.