My wedding website!

The Knot

Itʻs time.

Yes, Holly, Iʻm finally blogging like you wanted....

I had driven out to a wedding with a groomsman- The two of us didnʻt know each other at all initially. We showed-up in Chicago and the next morning found ourselves seated in the chapel waiting for Hannah and Isaacʻs sealing. A very tall, quite happy fellow sat in front of me and eventually turned around and introduced himself as "Matt" the guy who had been texting me on my drive out the previous morning. Ah... this could be bad. Heʻs definitely more attractive in person and heʻs very personable. "This isnʻt the matter at hand." I interrupted my own thoughts. I was going to pray whether or not I needed to go to Bali. Time finally arrived and all those waiting shuffled into the celestial room for the ceremony. Oh it was beautiful: The words said, the mood present, the room itself.

I wasnʻt supposed to go to Bali.

A little disappointed with the continuous faith journey that lie ahead, we proceeded out of the temple and got ready for the pictures. I guess this is where the flirting really took place and when I was still trying to decide if this Matt guy was all he claimed. Funny? All the time? Really? Charmer? Kind? Thoughtful? I donʻt know... heʻs also good looking. This may be a trick... And boy was he tall! I liked that a lot!

From pictures to a light luncheon to the reception at the church he texted me and I responded. This seemed to be the safest way to keep my distance but test the waters just the same. I decided to stay pretty close to Tad and others instead of him just because I wasnʻt really ready to start more drama with more men. I was quite done with the whole scene and told God so before going to the wedding as well as a prayer during the reception away from the crowd. Turns-out my way of playing it safe was Mattʻs thinking I was playing hard to get, so he tried a little harder. We enjoyed a slow dance....

"AH!" Distressed, my thoughts were screaming, "He can sing and dance! This isnʻt getting easier to dismiss... Iʻm only liking him more..."

After we helped clean-up we headed-out to the groomsmanʻs familyʻs house in Wisconsin to all sleep and go to church the following day. Matthew and I proceeded to stay up talking until 5:30... due to the tight quarters, we tried to stay quiet with people sleeping everywhere. He kept saying the right things and I for one would be an idiot if I didnʻt pursue some... Church went very well and we came back for more food and conversation. At one point, Matt snuck me out to see a lake and we had a very frank conversation in the which I fell that much more for him because he was honest and genuine. Obviously, my plan isnʻt the right plan and I was liking it more and more... and... liking Matthew Kirk more and more.

"...and I REALLY like that youʻre so tall." I said to him on our way back to the house. Saying this, basically lumps everything that I like about him in one phrase. All the things I put on my list of what I want in a man, even down (or up, I guess would be most appropriately put) to the height, he had/has so it seemed.

We got back and it was time to eat some dinner and start a fireside. SO, we shuffled in right on que. The fireside was specifically for Isaacʻs brother going on a mission soon, and we all (those that had gone on a mission) got to give our two cents and bear a small testimony as well. Matthew and I sat together on an outdoor furniture piece holding hands and this was about the time those in the family started putting 2-and-two together.

"He wants my hand in his. Heʻs holding my hand." I was absolutely lost in these thoughts.

By the time everyone had some time and the late creeped up on us and people dispersed. Matt, without hesitation, told me, "Gina, you need to tell your ride that Iʻll be taking you home. Not him." He looked serious and I was nervous. He wouldnʻt drop it until I told Tad I wouldnʻt be going home with him. Matt was unmovable. A part of me wanted the safety of Tad for the way home, but the other part of me wanted nothing else than to be with Matthew for the 8-hour drive home. I think he knew this and finally I was able to go through the groom, Isaac, to tell Tad that I was going to go home with Matt instead. I knew Tad wasnʻt thrilled, but agreed.

Next morning Matthew and I were off for Columbus. Our conversation geared to speaking about the possibility of being married and the what ifʻs of kids... yeah, it was evident that the two of us felt a certain ease and assurance that this "we" needed to be looked into and we needed to figure-out what we had going on with the two of us. What a fun road-trip it was all the way back home! I could chalk it up that we had been on a road-trip together, Iʻve seen him with his family, I knew how it was at weddings, helping out, saw him in a spiritual setting, silly and sarcastic... He was straight to the point, and knew what he wanted; he was willing to risk and his strength showed. I was intrigued and falling fast. Here he was: Finally and itʻs about time!

He was able to come to a Memorial Day picnic over at Brianaʻs and meet mom and dad, Austin, Briana and her family and Aubrie. He got along just fine and I was ecstatic by the way he could move from talking about the car Austin was working on or dadʻs truck to playing with the kids or talking about food.

Appearing to get later and later, mom offered our house for him to spend the night. I was happy to spend even more time with him and he seemed quite pleased as well. It seemed so very easy to talk with him! Austin rode back to the house with us and it was entertaining to watch the two of them interact! I had never been so eager to know a guy and felt like I knew him already all at once. Matthew. I couldnʻt believe how many things we had in common and how easy it was to fit our ideals into the same plan! How perfect the conversation flowed and how we both laughed and got annoyed at the same type of situations and scenarios. Is this how itʻs supposed to be? This easy and happy? Good things are happening with this one and heʻs the one thatʻs moving it along. WHAT a relief! So this it what itʻs like to find what Iʻve heard so much about: a man willing to risk, try, move, be with me!

Today seems about right.

Iʻm here sitting in a writing mood. Maybe itʻs because Amber just sent me her paper and I was mentioned or maybe the reason Iʻm talking with a friend about the church... is it true or not. Either way, I think itʻs time to write.

Iʻve come to some beautiful realizations lately. My views of what happiness and awareness have been the root of the exploration. Iʻve typed pages and pages of insights and feelings; emotions and movements that have caught me and challenged me to find things simply and deeply.

I am happy.

I can honestly say itʻs become who I am.

I am happy.

It lives within me and moves with me as I walk and talk through lifeʻs day.

Another simple concept: Choice! The option of letting things go just because I want to feel better and heal. I can change my thought-processes, and let cleansing to take place! I suppose I've been more apt to justify my actions with "this is who I am" and "how I've been raised". I now see the value in taking responsibility for those thoughts, not just the reason why. I now reach past the original thought and move to "now what can I do about it?" How many of us just stay within our past of a comfortable zone: what we've always done and so it must be right.

Thanksgiving was probably the best this year.

Out

I slowed to a stop at the red light and watched as a young man carrying some take-out food walked out onto the cross walk with a guiding stick as his eyes. As he began walking though, an impatient truck driver rushed and cut the man off before he got to the other side of the road.

I found it amazing that the blind man knew to stop and good thing he did.

Just when I thought the scene had played-out, a bicyclist pulls out onto the cross-walk teasing and mocking the blind man who, by this time, had walked himself on the curb and continued in stride as my traffic light turns green. My heart stung. I hurt for the man who probably gets overlooked, under-appreciated and mocked more times than I beheld, and I saw the whole thing. I couldn't have done a thing, but drive...

Perspective wake-up call: There I had previously thought that things were unsettled in my life, that I ached because there are things I am unable to do in my life right now... And there I was DRIVING because I could SEE a green light.

Gina, bring yourself back to the reality of looking beyond your nose and that you are blessed beyond what your senses could possibly absorb! Be grateful!

August of wind...

"And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord. And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake into pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind: and after the wind, an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake, a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire, a still small voice." 1 Kings 19:11&12

And thus it is for me. I find it quite ridiculous that it takes me "over-and-over-again" to realize how God speaks to me. My desires eventually line-up with His, it just takes me a while... longer than it should; I'm just glad I'm not as slow as I've been in the past. I think it helped that I recently went to Florida and thought about nothing staring at the ocean. It's so grand, it takes anything you seem to fret with, soaks it up and rolls it back into it's waves. There is nothing too worrisome for the most powerful.

I'm so happy that the peace has finally settled and here I am in Ohio for a little while (at least until May). One of my goals has been to get my Yoga certification and FINALLY I am going to start the program in Sept. and it goes until May. I still find it hard to believe that I'm actually going to be doing this! I've been talking about it for years! However, there are a few things that will be changing that get me a bit unsettled... my job at OSU will be ending beginning of Sept., I would like to go to school since I know I'll be staying here for a bit... etc...

Or maybe it will get entirely switched again and none of these things will be as they are planning. It's been known to happen.

This is Gina's life after-all...

The Beatles said it best when they said, "Let it be".

Extremes

I suppose it's going to be quite bi-polar enough to read what I just wrote last week and then contrast to what I'm going to write today.

I tend to do the same thing at work everyday. I begin my day by opening internet pages of the news and email. I click through, look at, and read some of what I see. Today, a certain story caught me off-guard: A cancer survivor who looses his face in order to stay alive.

That's going to keep you interested.

A year after he was married he found out he had a tumor in his face and in order to get rid of it, he had to have surgery to take most of his face off. The other option was to let the cancer continue it's course and claim his life. He chose the surgery. Years went by with this dark hole for a face until word got to a certain man who heard about the cancer victim. He offered to construct a prosthetic nose and forehead for him so it wouldn't be so difficult for others as well as himself to face public eye. That in itself was quite the story to be as kind and giving of the artist.

However, it wasn't so much the man who constructed the new face that pulled the emotion out of me. It was the victim's wife.

Through the whole interview and story, she remained positive and loving. You could sense that she loved him more than her eyes needed to see to keep her close to his side. It was everything deeper. I looked up to this woman and didn't even know her. What love did she have? I wanted what she had: the deepest as she saw her and her husband's relationship. That's how I ideally want to be in love with a future "mine" but could I?

I caught myself asking if I would be that steadfast. I hoped I would be. Would I find solutions? Would I be the strong one to lift my husband if that happened to him? Could I be the one to support him? Could I be the happy and upbeat one?

Do I find myself looking too hard on the outward to notice how the inward ultimately defines men more of who they truly are? Deceiving me both extremes, I probably do just because I have eyes to see; Placing judgements blindly before I know who they honestly are. How do I do this over and over again? Why don't I catch myself?

Oh- how my sight gets in the way at times... oh, how I take my true eyes for granted.

God, please help me see.

Far from what I usually write

Today I will be entertaining you with a new discovery.
I think 3 celebrities are hot.
Yes, as weird as this is going to sound, I have kept myself pretty-much closed-off from the world of fame and fortune. However, there are three dudes that have always grabbed attention over the years. A few friends and family members will know of at least one or two of them. Funny thing, they all are very similar come to find out.
I never put the three together until yesterday. There I was listening to Craig David and swooning... clicked on a link about Lenny Kravitz who went and jammed with some choir in the streets... *swoon... and lastly, thought about Counting Crows because when do I not? Adam... swoon... Sexy... sexy dudes...

I think I have a "type". Never thought I did.

So, if you have dreads or ever did in your life, dark skinned, dark eyes, friendly face, (it also helps if you have a defined jaw-line), older than me or the same age, loves to sing and carry emotion in your lyrics as well as the melody (and lives for it), at least my height or taller, great smile, (helps if you make more money than I do...), Christian, loves to exercise, loves people, (having an accent also helps)...This, then, qualifies you to be "swooned after" by Gina.